Survival guide to living with Sebastian and Ciel
by Storm Arashi
Summary: We've all heard of guidelines for the canon characters to use on each other. What about one for us when the space-time continuim or Truth decides to mess with out lives and heads? From technology explanation to 'nicknames' and video games life is strange.


Okay you all have seen the survival lists made for characters to use on each other...

Well after some very..Unusual things happened I have decided to share with fellow fans the survival basics of surviving life with Sebastian and Ciel from Black Butler.

Never take Ciel's intelligence for granted. Don't ever think he'll leave you alone.

"I told you I'm not saying anything about this times technology to a twelve year old BRAT!"

"SEBASTIAN!" 

"HE AIN'T HERE PIPSQUEAK!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!"

He doesn't like me much.

Girls please as hot as Sebastian is he is also deadly. If you piss him off he's likely to smile politely then find a way to make you miserable.

My BFF Emiri/Emily learned this the hard way.

"Sebastian!" She had screamed throwing her arms around him. He had promptly tried to walk away and because he knew 'Da rules' of our world AKA murders get solved easily with witnesses always around one way or another. He got stuck with having her mess with his hair and tailcoat.

Unless you want a headache get Ciel his tea. Even if you prepare ice tea hot it'll likely satisfy the 'Earl'.

"I told you wench I wanted Earl Grey tea not colored water!"

"I told YOU I can't afford it!"

"Too bad! Go buy it!" He had promptly threw the hot beverage on me. I had pissed him off various other times that day.

I ended up breaking his precious walking stick in two by just throwing it in the middle of the highway. It took Sebastian, myself and Emily-chan to drag him to a Mcdonalds to get him a sweet tea.

The woman took one look at us and I explained: "His cat got ran over in front of him. He needs something sweet so please...Sweet tea and make it hot."

I ended up watching Sebastian chase after a sugar high Ciel the rest of the afternoon. Which brings us to rule number four.

The Zombieland rules of survival work well in some situations such as the following.

Don't enter a movie theater with Sebastian or Ciel. More places to run and hide yes but they will find you eventually. Same goes for restrooms they don't care if it's the womans room. Don't leave yourself with only one exit. Limber up and keep blunt weapons on hand. Remember: Cricket bat does not need reloading.

When in doubt don't ask anything. Keep quiet and run. Remember my friends one word is to be feared when your the one providing dinner. "WENCH!" Seems to be Ciel's favorite term for me. My friends he has no mercy to insult you if he seems to hate you. OOC yes but truly IC in true Ciel fashion when insulting. Another phrase to fear is: "How do you work this thing?" Followed by the above word to be feared.

"WENCH! How do you work this 'television'?"

"How do you work this thing?" When hitting the microwave. (I have no idea how someone that short can get up onto the stove to beat up the microwave.)

"WEEEEENCH!"

Yeah in the time that Sebastian ended up at Emily's for a few days it became very...Rocky and tense in my home. My friends get the butler who can cook. Never get the whiny rich brat unless your prepared with a lot of Aleve, locks on your doors and knowledge on how to pick said locks.

When going to a museum event with Ciel and Sebastian be prepared to explain everything ahead of time and out run the kid. Remember: He who has short legs compared to two fifteen year olds will be left eating dust.

Was fun seeing him trying to out run us only to fail and get frustrated. Was not fun after Sebastian carried him and beat us all the way up to the third floor.

To avoid utter humiliation don't teach the kid how to do the macarena or any anime dances. He will use his new found knowledge of the dance as victory dance.

What's more humilliating then having, a twelve year old who's shorter then you rub using his butler as a horse in your face? When he starts doing the victory dance.

He ended it with the cabbage patch. (MY victory dance.)

When in doubt always ask Sebastian oddly enough.

"Pink or ruffles?" 

"Pink it accents your hair perfectly."

"Tye-dye jeans or plain?"

"Tye-dye."

"Celebi vs Gyarados?" 

"What?"

Except with Pokemon.

When in doubt on solving case 2 in Forensis ask Ciel oddly enough.

We were shocked when by the time I pulled up the walkthrough he was calling out keypoints to solving the case.

Emily and I followed him around asking him to help us with the next case and in my case asked him to help me with diagnosis.

"Stop following me!"

"Please Ciel! Help us with the game!" We pleaded even pulling out our secret weapon: Arby's chocolate turnovers! He gave the turnovers a look before taking them out of our hands and locking us out of my  room!

Yeah we started playing Naruto until hunger made him come out.

"Hey Ciel wanna help me toast Storm/Emily?" Yeah he gave us one look picked up a nunchuck and Wii-mote (we had been teaching him the ways of the gamer. I know timeline and stuff but he picked it up fast.) And creamed us as Orochimaru...

I was Kabuto...Emily was Sasuke.

It was awkward for awhile.

Two things to never do in front of either Ciel or Sebastian: One is singing the Boot to the Head song when Ciel ticks you off which is often for me. Two is watching Zatch Bell and trying to explain what a Mamodo is.

"I don't understand why such a concept would be this popular."

I had sighed and just went into my room and locked him out. He could use a computer without killing it and Emily was watching him...

Found him watching Black Butler and he fainted when he got out of the chair. I think we broke his brain.

So far we've survived even with all this insanity. The thing is the Contract between Ciel and Sebastian is weakened in our world so he can't come to the rescue.

Rule elevan makes use of that.


End file.
